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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Profile
hiirah-Mahiirraahh, 05/08/1991Loves Sushi&Chocolate. I'm a fan of Purple/Red/Yellow. I felt that night, on the stage, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live. What exactly made it worth it? What’s so horrible about being dead forever, and not feeling anything, and not even dreaming? What’s so great about feeling and dreaming? — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Talk it Loud
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©Glamouresque. |
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I'm sorry to write this... The first thing is I started to hate school now... I may like to go to school... Bit by bit it becoming more boring... Today i didn't do anything at all. Project lesson i was useless siting there do nothing... Just look at my group member doing the board blocks... And i was sit the opposite way cutting the board into small pieces... When the class was going down buy the board, i didn't followed them... I just stay in class.... While they were gone, i was siting there bored... Then my project teacher told me, what's your dream or is it what kind of dream do you want... I told him, I WANT TO DRAW... He told me, don't waste my time just siting here doing nothing... Next class was, Turning. Now i beginning to hate that class... HATE IT... I was late because i went to Tampines Mall... I knew i will get lecture with the teacher... The class started at 1.30 and i was only 30 min late... WTF... he told me i was late more than one hour... when i need help with the machine... to be frank the machine is 'STUPID MACHINE'... Yup, when i needed help, my classmate help me... just a little but its ok... i didn't ask him to do all for me... After he help a little he went back to his place as i was doing it by myself... Then, this is where i started to Hate and sad... While i was doing the workpiece... My form teacher is the turning teacher too... walk around to check on us... i was cutting a very deep cutting, i didn't do one by one... then he check on me... Then, like shit lor... he scolded me for nothing.... I just want to the FUUcCK you la... at the face... He started saying me, see you, you always never listen in the class how can you do anyhow? see what happen now? he continued you always make me angry... that time i nearly cry... i try to stand there make face... he continued, he said when the first time i see you, you always never listen.... then he said, why stand there like a boss come here do... then i started to do...when is break time, i washed my hand and reflect the word that he said. it almost made cry... i sited outside the workshop as i was listen to my music player... i think of myself. think negative thoughts of me... I told myself, why i am born stupid, slow and a weak girl... i text my friend, he told me i'm not... i told him back i am. The really me is actually; Slow, weak, dumb, and easily get hurt a lot. whenever, a person started to talk rough or bad things and can easily get angry or sad. but mostly sad. Slow, yes i am. even i'm slow i can do it. Dumb, yes! my speech is bad. i'm only bad at collecting word that i'm going to say... but i'm good at saying in english... Hurt? whenever they scold me. i easily get frighten... I'm really REALLY SORRY to say this... Whenever my friends that i've been near now... i easily get frighten.. He/She never like to talk very much... when i talk to him/her that he/she can't understand. the he/she said, what are you talking, i can't even undersatnd what you are saying... that started to frighten me... after that i didn't talk... Him/Her way of talking sometimes give me a goosebumbs or frightening me... I can't hate he/she... he/she is my friend... but sometimes i can't understand him/her at all... caz i'm slow... Again, I AM REALLY REALLY SORRY TO SAY THIS. My wishes that i really wish i can get from god is, I want people to understand me bit by bit... I want a good life then this... I want to be pretty and beautiful. (only god can do that?) If can i want to be popular. I want to improve my drawing skill I want to draw morning still night with my whole heart in it. I want to have a job at the airport. I want to meet my dream guy... I want to  improve my singing and sing till i end my life...I want to go japan and learn how to say japanese completely <------I want to meet him. And the rest of the NEWS members... I want my freedom when im 18. I want be free from my invisible kuro torikago (black birdcage) I want my family understand me why i like japanese very much. The thing i really want is all... I want to end my life with a happy feeling in my heart... that i've done it... faithfully, -hiirah- |
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay |
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